Thanks for sharing, Elle! This is such a fascinating topic to me — polyamory as well as open relationships, and I’ve always been intrigued by people who practice it. My partner and I happen to have a clause in our relationship agreement stating our current status as “monogamous,” but should the time ever come when one of us wants to explore having an open or polyamorous relationship, that we’d talk about it with an open mind and heart.

I think I’m more curious about open relationships and polyamorous relationships as a way to explore myself — my own stories, emotions and expectations. I know it would be extremely challenging and difficult at first — jealousy and insecurity would manifest in a really painful way (especially since my parents divorced because of infidelity). But I imagine over time, I (we) would both grow to become more antifragile. To me, it almost feels like a deeply painful yet possibly therapeutic exercise to challenge my existing conceptions, perceptions and biases. I do believe love is abundant and expansive — to love or engage in intimate behaviors with another human doesn’t detract from the love you feel for your partner, but what I have a hard time with is the limited resources of time and energy (and perhaps even money). It takes time and effort to maintain relationships, and if you or your partner’s love language is quality time, and you now have two or more people with whom you want to share your time with, I can see that getting tricky.

I’m curious what made you decide to open up your relationship, what the biggest challenges were at first, and why you feel this is the happiest you’ve ever been?